When Elderly Parents Will Not Accept Help

There are no easy answers when a parent will no longer accept in-home caregivers. Here are some things you can do. Call a family meeting (without your parents). Sit down with everyone involved in parental care and talk about your options. If you have no family involved, sit with a good friend, your pastor, therapist, or someone you can trust so you can talk it out. This normally takes place when that last line has been crossed, and care at home is no longer an option. Do not get into a battle with your parent. Be prepared to stand firm on the fact that home care is no longer an option. You could say, " Dad we have tried this, but it doesn't work and the only other option we have left is to try assisted living. If your parent becomes furious, and try to manipulate you, listen to what he has to say. He deserves this respect. Your job as his adult child is to make sure your parent has the proper care, rather than only provide the care yourself.

Conduct an interview with the caregiver agency out of the home. You want to be able to discuss with the caregiver the challenges your parent will bring forward. You will want to discuss the qualifications and assurances that they have many experienced caregivers. You do not want them sending you an inexperienced caregiver that they do not know well to your parent. Make sure a manager will be visiting regularly. This manager will need to get to know your parent as well.

Once the caregiver is hired, you should spend some time with the caregiver without your parent. During this time you should discuss the challenges and ways to redirect or manage tantrums and unreasonable demands. When you find a trustworthy, reliable caregiver who is willing to hang in there, do whatever you can to make her feel honored and appreciated.

You will need to understand that if your parent is of sound mind, you will not be able to force him to accept help at home. He maybe unable to cook, bathe, or take care of his home for himself. But if he is able to understand the possible consequences of his choices, then you cannot force him to do what he doesn't want to do. You cannot do anything to prevent the consequences of the choices he make. If your parent have dementia, or some other cognitive disability, you will have to find alternative living because in home care will not work.

Never move into the home of a demanding, unreasonable parent who want you to be his only caregiver. Do not bring a demanding, unreasonable parent into your home. These arrangements always have serious long-term regrets.